Life as a parent is often a whirlwind of responsibilities. One day, I realized I hadn't spent quality time with my daughter in a while. With a pang of guilt, I entered her room to simply sit with her.
However, she snapped at me, "Why are you staying here? Why don't you go to your room?" Her words, delivered with annoyance, left me shocked and saddened. My heart sank. I gently explained that I wanted to spend time with her, but she retorted, "I'm trying to concentrate. Please go to your room."
This unexpected encounter highlighted how quickly the parent-child dynamic can shift. One moment, they are our little ones, eager for our attention. Next, they are navigating adolescence, seeking independence, and pushing boundaries.
Adolescence is a turbulent time, a period of immense growth and change for both child and parent. My daughter's dismissive behavior, though initially hurtful, became a catalyst for deeper understanding. Later, we talked. She apologized, explaining that she wasn't in the right mood. That conversation, though difficult, opened a new chapter in our relationship. She became more mindful of her words, and I learned to respect her need for space.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson:
Focus on understanding rather than control:
For instance, instead of dictating their clothing choices ("I don't like what you're wearing!"), try to understand their desire for self-expression. Teenagers will find ways to express themselves, whether you approve or not. By supporting their individuality and building trust, you create a stronger bond.
Remember, adolescence is a phase. By approaching it with patience, empathy, and a focus on understanding, we can navigate these turbulent waters and emerge with a deeper, more meaningful connection with our children.
Check on their friendships and social life and influence:
Have strong trust, be your child’s comfort zone. Let them come home and share their day with you, show interest in their friends, activities, and their choices.
Lend an ear when they need the most:
Try to listen to your child without being judgmental. Do not hurry to bombard them with your lectures of good, bad, and soberness. Listening to them patiently and without judgement will create a strong Trust Bond that will last a lifetime.
Keep an eye on their social media activity:
Children these days learn mostly from social media, their major influence being YouTube and podcasts, especially where they try to copy their role models to look cool or be likable/accepted among friends. They get highly influenced, especially by slang and vulgar language, be it using harmful substances or be it learning the definition of relationships. So let your child know about these things first from You, and let them have the idea of these things from you, as a parent. If you do that, it will help your child to understand their harmfulness. But if you miss it, their first learning would be looking cool as they would start role modeling such things. Relationships: For a teenager, nothing is more important than being a part of peers or groups. They will do anything to be included and accepted.
Be their Friend:
Some teenagers struggle to make friends, and it leads them to have anxiety and mental health issues. So help/ teach your child to foster friendships from a young age. Parents, please do not comment on their friends if you want your child to be close to you. Rather, they should be guided to be in good company while they are young. If you dislike your child’s circle, get to know that circle and help your child understand how friendship influences our life. Also, family relationships matter a lot; a child coming from disturbed parenting will always have low morale and seek a lot of attention for the wrong reasons, such as vandalizing things, self-harming, getting into trouble, fighting with friends, secluding from the rest of the groups and activities. So parents need to come together for the sake of the child’s proper upbringing, decide on taking care and avoiding things that hamper the child’s mental and social health.
Be an active listener and pay attention to little things:
Children at this age often feel inadequate be it in terms of looks, performance, or confidence. It really matters how parents and teachers handle these to support the teenager. If this doesn't stop here, it will have a long-lasting impact on them, even as adults with lots of baggage. So rather than telling them- "I knew that you cannot do this, I knew you would fail, you don't know the basics, oh god, why every time my child is a failure? If you do not do well this time, you're gonna see? Why is it you every time?" please dear parents, change your verse; by using these kinds of words with your child, you are playing a very active role in demoralizing him/her. Rather, try to know the reason and help your child overcome it. Be an active listener and pay attention to little things.
Things you can do together and set a home culture
- Talk about books you are reading and discuss characters
- Plan on a monthly family movie day where all members agree and watch it together
- Go for cycling, or hiking as it allows you time together
- Let your child know your family's belief for eg Visit Temples, Stupas, and Mosque together
- Celebrate and congratulate their efforts, whether small or big
Remember parents, talking to similar friends will help you understand your situation, but be mindful, do not judge or be sad. Remember as famous writer Khalid Hussain quotes, “ Children aren't coloring Books, you cannot choose your favorite color”. Support them and let them thrive !!
